


Home

by rosiegal



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: (A lot of fluff), (just a tiny bit!!!), Angst, Early Days, Flirting, Fluff, Gay Panic, M/M, Moving In Together, Slow Burn, Smut (maybe later on idk), Tags will be updated as the story progresses!!!, deaky is touch starved, freddie is so kind :((, kinda hehehhee, like early 70s.... not more specific than that!!, roger loves physical touch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-07 12:32:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18873286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosiegal/pseuds/rosiegal
Summary: John Deacon, Roger Taylor, Brian May, and Freddie Mercury all decide to move in. A new chapter in John's life begins as he finds out things about himself and his fellow friends he didn't quite anticipate.





	1. Chapter one

It all started started with Freddie making a silly remark, one that John at the time didn’t really take seriously.

 

They were at the studio, having just finished their daily practice. They had a gig coming up after all, and practice makes perfect. And god, would the two eldest band members be angry if they were anything less than perfect. 

 

John’s train of thought was rudely interrupted by Freddie’s voice.

 

‘So darling, when are you and Brian moving in with us?’ 

 

At the time, John just laughed it off. Being in a band is crazy enough for him, moving in with his bandmates turned best friends would be too much, right?

 

Brian seemed to take the sentiment seriously however, looking down as the man often does when he’s thinking.

 

‘Well, isn’t your apartment a little bit small, Fred?’ John decided to break the silence.

 

‘That doesn’t matter, me and Rog have been eyeing a new one anyways. Sure, it’ll be a tight fit, but nothing we can’t manage!’ 

 

‘What apartment have we been eyeing?’ Roger laughed with a hint of disbelief in his voice.

 

Well, John thought, at least he wasn’t the only one thinking this was a crazy idea. 

 

Then again, it isn’t as if John hadn’t considered it before. He had entertained the thought in his mind, only to shake it away, thinking it would never happen. The idea that Freddie and Roger had been thinking about it as well, it made his heart warm.

 

Freddie rolled his eyes. ‘Darling, the one right across the street! You know, the one the family just moved out from?’ 

 

Roger seemed to realize what Freddie was going on about. He nodded slightly, but didn’t say anything in response. 

 

‘Right, let’s see how much money it is then,’ Brian said to John’s shock. 

 

‘So we are all on the same page, right?’ Freddie clapped his hands once gleefully. 

 

‘I suppose so,’ John said, giving Freddie a soft smile, thinking it might actually happen.

 

\------------

 

And so, two weeks later, there he was. Standing in front of his - their new apartment. Luckily his landlord didn’t mind him moving out on such short notice, but John was fairly certain that was just because the poor guy wanted to retire. 

 

‘Let’s open the door then,’ Roger smiled, holding the key in his hand. 

 

As he slowly unlocked the door (not without a bit of a struggle - which looked really funny in John’s eyes), it creaked just a tiny bit. With a soft push from Roger, the door finally opened fully. 

 

‘Welcome home everyone!’ 

 

The house looked empty. Well, it was empty, but it also felt empty. John shook the thought away, he can’t be having seconds thoughts right now. 

 

Brian scoffed, ‘So much for welcome home. They lied!’ 

 

When the band had met up with the landlord, the landlord had promised he would give them some basic furniture in the house, as a welcoming gift. Staring at the empty room however, showed no such thing. 

 

Freddie shook his head, ‘He will probably get us some later, don’t worry so much dear.’ 

 

Brian looked at Freddie, clearly annoyed and not believing his words, but opted to stay silent. John was incredibly thankful for that. A fight is the last thing they need right now. 

 

‘I mean, it isn’t really “ours” yet now, is it? We still have to move all of our stuff,’ Roger said.

 

John nodded in approval. Sure, it might feel a bit empty right now, but when they move all of their stuff in, it will probably feel like home.

 

The thought of this being his home one day made his heart swell a tiny bit. Just a tiny bit.

 

\-------

 

‘Damnit Brian, I told you to hold the couch up! It almost landed on my foot! How am I supposed to drum with a broken foot?’ 

 

‘You told me to drop it two seconds ago! What was I supposed to do, mate?’ 

 

‘Aw, our very first home fight! This is a moment worth celeb-’ 

 

‘Freddie if you don’t shut your mouth right now I WILL move out, watch it,’ Roger hissed angrily.

 

‘As if you ever would, you wouldn’t know what to do without me,’ Freddie smirked back, clearly no bite behind the words.

 

Roger just rolled his eyes. ‘Okay Brian, let’s try again then.’ 

 

Today will be their first full day at their new home. It was kind of like opening a new chapter in his book, John thought.

 

John was cooking. They all been cooking, going in turns, and today was his. On one hand, being all alone in the dusty kitchen is kind of sad. On the other hand however, hearing his bandmates fight makes him kind of glad he is all alone in here. 

He licks his lips in concentration, reading the recipe carefully. The others had no clue what he was going to cook, as he told them it would be a surprise. Truth was, he was making them the one thing he knew how to make. A nice homemade pizza, to his mother’s recipe. He wasn’t a master chef, but he was pretty confident in this one. 

 

‘Deaks, can you help for a second?’ Roger’s voice was sweet as sugar, and John immediately knew he would have to do an unfavorable task now.

 

As John entered the living room, he saw a very guilty looking Brian. 

 

‘I’m so sorry Deaky, it seems like we totally forgot to do groceries today. Normally I wouldn’t ask you but-’ 

 

‘Don’t worry, give me a list of things I need to buy,’ John rolled his eyes, but it was clear he was joking around.

 

‘You’re an angel Deaks, thank you,’ Roger smiled warmly at him. 

 

John couldn’t help but blush a tiny bit at the compliment. Sure, it was a fairly common one, but the sincerity of it was really sweet. 

 

He didn’t know what to say to that, so he went to put on his shoes instead. 

 

\-------

 

The weather outside was horrible. It was pouring, and the clouds showed signs of an incoming thunderstorm. John was glad he only had to get some bread and eggs, as he entered the grocery store.

 

This was the first time he had been to this store. Looking around, the layout confused him. Which sensible person puts eggs next to candy? John chuckled slightly at the picture before him. Grabbing the eggs, and the bread next, he made a b-line for the exit. 

 

The storm was getting worse, just as he had expected. The walk wasn’t terribly long, maybe ten minutes long, but it felt like hours. He was shivering like crazy when he finally did get back, his wet hair sticking to his face.

 

Roger opened the door. ‘Oh dear, did you just get caught by the storm as it was starting? I’ll grab you a towel, wait there!’ and just like that, he was off. 

 

John smiled at the blond’s kind gesture, and put the eggs and bread down on the counter. 

 

Right. The pizza. He had totally forgotten about that. Just as he was about to pick up the recipe again, he felt a soft towel pet him on his head.

 

‘There you go, sorry I kept you waiting,’ Roger’s voice came out gently. ‘Also, sorry, I think I just ruined the surprise, but it looks delicious,’ he grinned.

 

John couldn’t help but smile as well. The towel felt good, even if John had to buck ever so slightly to allow Roger to continue drying his hair. ‘I suppose you did ruin the surprise, but I will thank you for the compliment.’ 

 

\--------

 

‘This is really good Deaky, you gotta give me the recipe!’ Brian beamed, clearly enjoying his meal.

 

‘I have to agree with Brian dear, this is amazing! Who knew our Deaky is such a talented chef?’ 

 

John tried to wave the compliment off, saying it was just a quick thing he threw together. He did actually like the compliments though, smiling coyly at the ground.

 

‘Don’t be so shy Deaky, it’s seriously good!’ Brian said, taking another bite of his pizza. 

 

John looked Brian straight in the eyes this time. ‘Thank you very much, Bri,’ he smiled at the older man, not that coyly this time.

 

‘Now that’s more like it!’ Brian giggled.

 

John felt at peace, surrounded by his best friends, eating pizza on a rainy evening. 

 

\------

 

They had been playing a game of scrabble on the floor, as they hadn’t assembled the table yet. Freddie had won again, much to Brian’s frustration.

 

As the shouting began, John felt himself get more and more tired. He leaned back a bit on the floor, almost falling. 

 

‘Hey mate, let’s go to bed, yeah?’ Roger almost whispered it.

 

John looked at the drummer, having forgotten he was there too. Being in a house with so many roommates did that to you, he supposed. 

 

‘Since when do you decide my bedtime, Rog?’ he smirked.

 

‘Since I saw you almost falling asleep on the damn floor,’ Roger bit back, ‘Besides, I’m tired too, let’s leave the idiots to bicker on their own.’ 

 

John nodded softly, and got up gently. ‘Brian, Freddie, I’m going to bed. Try not to ruin the house, yeah?’  John doubted Freddie and Brian could even hear him if he was being quite honest, but it was polite to say anyway. Well, the last part wasn’t, but whatever.

 

He quickly said Roger good night as well, and Roger hugged him as he did. Roger was a very physical person after all. Although John was definitely not, he had to admit getting hugs once in a while was nice. 

 

His room was a bit bare, as he hadn’t put many things in it yet. The room smelled like fresh paint, which was a kind of uncomfortable smell. John quietly locked his door, and sat down on his bed. He had taken it from his previous house, and it somehow smelled comforting. 

 

He turned off the lights, and put his head down on the pillow. He knew a new chapter of his life was truly starting now, and although he was scared, he knew he wasn’t going to regret it.

 

He quickly fell asleep with the previous day’s memories still fresh in his mind.    
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

The sound of thunder hitting nearby woke him. John blinked a couple of times, and then proceeded to try and rub the sleep out of his eyes. He realized there was no clock in his room yet.

 

He lifted himself up, and put on his fluffy slippers - he didn’t like the cold floor in mornings - before opening the curtains just a little bit. Since it was autumn, almost winter, trying to figure out if it’s three in the morning or twelve in the afternoon is just a gamble. 

 

Rolling his eyes in frustration, John unlocked his door, and walked towards the living room. No one in sight, must be early. 

 

Brian is often up early, since he had taken a liking to early morning walks - something that had baffled his three bandmates. 

 

_ ‘How in god’s name do you like waking up early?’ _ Roger had said, looking at Brian in disbelief. John grinned at the memory. 

 

Ah, a clock. His vision was still a bit hazy from his rude awakening. He squinted his eyes. It was seven in the morning. He might as well properly wake up.

 

He walked towards the “kitchen” - which was a very honoring word for the table and sink - and opened a cupboard. Nothing. Completely empty. How did everyone forget to buy bloody tea out of all things?

 

Groaning slightly, he went back to his room. The store opens at seven-thirty, so if he dresses up now he should be able to make it to the store when it opens, John thought. 

 

The floor creaked beneath him. This place didn’t quite feel like home yet. Maybe it never will, John entertained that thought for a bit. He had only been in the band for a year or two anyway, who knows what the future holds.

 

He remembers meeting Freddie for the first time, John had been in awe. The man had seem so confident in himself, and in his bandmates. He took no shit, that was for sure. It had been kind of intimidating, really. 

 

Brian seemed really cool, plucking at his guitar the entire time John had auditioned. He had been kind to John, but there was this air of coldness hanging around the man. 

 

And Roger, he didn’t really say anything at all to John. For a while John was convinced Roger didn’t really like him. The blond looked at him all the time, seemingly for no reason. John tried not to stare back. 

 

Looking back on the memory, John did feel a bit silly. Freddie was a sweetheart, obviously, and most of his act is just that, an act. Brian was kind, if not a tiny bit shy, which explains the coldness at first. And Roger, Roger just didn’t trust people very easily. It just takes a while for him to warm up. 

John smiled. He can’t help but admit that his bandmates have very quickly become his best friends. 

 

He grabbed a shirt off the floor, and put on his pants, shoes next. He didn’t really feel like dressing up early. Besides, why bother? He knew the lady at the checkout wouldn’t judge him. 

 

He walked towards the door, and realized that he should probably leave a note for his bandm- roommates, so they don’t think he just fucked off and left them. 

 

Not as if his friends would think that, but still.

 

He grabbed a piece of paper that he had taken with him, and a pen he always carried, and started writing.

 

_ Hi, _

 

_ I’m going to the store to get some tea. I’ll be back around eight.  _

 

_ John _

 

Okay, that was done. He finally unlocked the door, and went outside. It was still pouring, which was the thing that had woke him up in the first place. Oh well, he’d survive, even without an umbrella. 

 

The store still had a weird layout. Not that he had expected it to change or anything, but he couldn’t help but notice. He looked around for a little bit. Great, he thought, I’m at a store, totally drenched in rain and I can’t find the damn tea. 

 

Thankfully, he managed to find the aisle. It was in the back, who puts tea in the back? John thought. 

 

The cashier seemed friendly enough. ‘Good morning sir, how are you?’ 

 

John muttered a soft ‘Fine, thanks,’ before grabbing his tea, and putting it in his pocket. He really wasn’t in the mood for small talk. He just wanted to drink some tea.

 

The rain had lessened by the time he left the store. No sunshine coming through though, so what’s the point. He hoped - prayed that the tea wouldn’t be drenched when he got to the house.

 

\-------------

 

‘Would you like some tea, Brian?’ John asked him sweetly. When he returned, the guitarist had been awake for a little bit. 

 

He was still a bit groggy though. ‘That would be lovely, thank you,’ Brian said in an uncharastically low, raspy voice. John realized he had never seen the older man waking up before.

 

‘Any sugar?’ John grabbed two cups - one for him, one for Brian, and poured the hot water in them. The steam hit him right in his face, and he hissed a bit.

 

‘No, I’m fine, thank you,’ his voice was starting to clear up, just a bit. It still sounded quite raspy.

 

John sat down on the couch next to Brian. ‘Here you go mate, enjoy!’ Brian smiled contently. 

 

‘Ah, that’s much better. Now, we should wake up the others soon.’ 

 

John opened his mouth to ask why - it was a Saturday after all, and then realized.

 

They have a gig tomorrow. 

 

They had been preparing for it for over three weeks now. Their biggest one yet. John didn’t really allow himself to think about it. It made him quite anxious.

 

‘Right.’ 

 

They finished their tea in silence. 

 

Once Brian had finished his tea, he started talking again. ‘I’ll wake Fred up, can you wake Roger up?’ 

 

John thought about that for a second. From what he’s heard from Freddie, Roger is an absolute nightmare to wake up. Apparently he sleeps so deeply, that even a slap to his face wouldn’t make the man open his eyes. ‘Sure,’ he tutted.

 

‘Right, where did Roger sleep again?’ John quietly asked himself. It didn’t take him long to figure out which door was his. It had become a bit apparent, as Roger seemed to have taken off his shoes in front of the door.

 

He knocked on the door gently. ‘Roger? Are you up?’ 

 

Radio silence.

 

That was about to be expected. He knocked a bit harder this time.

 

‘Roger? We have to go to rehearsals in an hour!’ 

 

Still, no answer.

 

John was growing a bit frustrated. As a last resort, he tried to open the door and - to his utter surprise Roger had left his door unlocked. John stepped inside the room. 

 

Roger’s room didn’t smell like paint like his did. That was probably because Roger had been too lazy to paint said room. Clothes were scattered all over the floor, and John tried his best not to step on them. There, in the bed in the middle of the room, laid Roger. 

 

He was very clearly still asleep, breathing quite peacefully. His eyes were closed, long eyelashes hanging down just slightly. His mouth was the tiniest bit open, letting out quiet breaths every few seconds. His arms were wrapped around his pillow. A tiny bit of sunshine rested on his face. His hair was wild, but not unkempt, per usual. 

 

John couldn’t help but blush slightly at the sight of his sleeping friend. He cursed whichever part of his brain now compared the sight in front of him to a Renaissance painting. 

 

He had been staring at Roger for a minute now. Fuck, John thought, I came here to wake my friend up, not to gawk at him. 

 

He put his hand gently on the other’s arm, and shook it gently. ‘Hey Roger,’ it came out as a whisper, to his own surprise. ‘We have rehearsals in a bit, it’s time to get up.’ 

 

Roger let out a quiet sigh, before opening his eyes. They were still filled with sleep. ‘Huh?’ Blue eyes looked around, before looking straight at John. ‘What are you doing here, Deaky?’ His voice was even raspier than Brian’s wake up voice.

 

John turned as red as a tomato, before he realized the other wasn’t shunning him, but was rather genuinely confused. His brain probably forgot they moved in yesterday, something that John couldn’t quite blame him for. ‘Well, since I live here, I was tasked by Brian to wake you up, sleepyhead,’ John quietly chuckled.

 

‘Oh, right, sorry Deaky,’ Roger smiled. He then proceeded to stretch his limbs, groaning a bit as he did. ‘Thanks for waking me up, it’s much better than Freddie’s violent shaking of whatever body part is closest to his.’ 

 

John laughed a bit at the mental image, an annoyed Freddie practically beating a sleeping Roger up. ‘You’re welcome, Rog.’ 

 

\---------

 

Rehearsal had been a bit stressful. Roger and Brian couldn’t help bickering over the stupidest things.

 

‘How would you even know that my beat is off? You aren’t even part of the rhythm section!’ Roger sneered.

 

‘I still have ears, Roger. I can tell your beat was off mate,’ Brian hissed back.

Roger rolled his eyes in clear frustration, before turning to face John. ‘Back me up, Deaky. My beat was good right?’ 

 

John didn’t quite know how to respond to that, he hadn’t really been wanting to get involved in all of this. ‘Uh, I suppose? I’m sorry Roger, I wasn’t really paying attention.’ 

 

Roger rolled his eyes again. ‘See Brian, Deaky is backing me up! I’m right, you’re just stuck up and you know it!’ 

 

Right as Brian was about to return the same sentiment, a voice interrupted him. 

 

‘You two just need to shag already, get all this stupid foreplay bickering over with,’ Freddie smirked. He knew that this would embarrass both of them.

 

And embarrass them both it did. Roger turned a shade of red that John hadn’t quite seen on him before, and Brian just huffed and walked away. ‘Really, Fred? Low blow mate,’ Roger turned to face his drums again.

 

John was plucking at his bass, not really wanting to intervene. 

 

‘I was just teasing dear, I’m sorry if it upset you,’ Freddie tried with a kind smile, but the damage was already done.

 

‘I don’t want to shag him, Fred.’ 

 

‘I know, Roger.’ 

 

Roger looked at Freddie with a look that he couldn’t quite make out, before he let out a sigh. ‘Right, let’s get back to practice then.’ 

 

\---------

 

They had gone to a bar afterwards. The rest of the rehearsal wasn’t all that bad thankfully. John was still a bit nervous for the gig tomorrow, so he ordered two more glasses. 

 

The bar they were at played shit music. John wanted to dance, but no way in hell he was going to dance to this trash. So instead, he frowned and plopped down next to Roger.

 

Roger was clearly in deep thought, and John didn’t want to interrupt him, but he had bought him a drink, so he had to say something. He cleared his throat. ‘Here you go, I got you a drink.’ 

 

Roger smiled at him. ‘Thank you, Deaks,’ he said as he gulped it down as if it was his first drink in days. John was quite impressed, if he was being honest. The man let out a sigh. ‘This bar is shit.’ 

 

John smiled, glad that he wasn’t the only one. ‘Yeah, it truly does, the music sucks too,’ he frowned. 

 

‘Ah, so no Disco Deaky tonight?’ Roger teased, eyeing him. 

 

John laughed. ‘I’m afraid not, I’m afraid not.’  He tapped his feet to the music currently playing, even if it was shit. 

 

They sat in comfortable silence for a bit, Roger getting up to get a few more drinks. He handed one to John.

 

Roger broke the silence. ‘Excited for the gig tomorrow?’ 

 

John smiled coyly. ‘To be quite honest, I’m a bit nervous. It’s our biggest gig yet, after all.’ 

 

Roger gently patted him on the shoulder. ‘I’m sure it’ll go well mate, you’re a bloody brilliant bass player after all.’ 

 

John beamed at the compliment. Roger wasn’t usually this giving with his compliments. Maybe he was a bit stressed as well. ‘Thank you Roger. You’re not bad either,’ he stuck his tongue out a bit, teasing Roger was very fun to do. 

 

Roger smirked, ‘Thank you, Deaky,’ 

 

Comfortable silence yet again. John looked around the bar. Not a lot to see. Freddie was chatting with a good-looking man, clearly flirting. Sometimes John wished he could be as confident as Freddie. 

 

Brian was chatting with a girl, which didn’t happen too often. Brian was twirling his hair, which John finds quite endearing. 

 

John realized Roger didn’t seem to be actively looking for a girl to take home tonight. ‘Hey Rog, not in the mood to take someone home?’ John asked it without judgement, as he was genuinely curious. 

 

‘Not many cute birds here. Besides, we haven’t discussed house rules yet, right?’ 

 

John hadn’t quite thought of the latter yet. If he was in the mood to bring home a girl, he just could, considering he didn’t have any roommates before moving in. ‘That doesn’t seem to be stopping Freddie or Brian though.’ 

 

Roger laughed, ‘Guess I’m also not in the mood tonight. I’m just enjoying chatting with you for now.’ 

 

John blushed just a tiny bit at the sentiment but he didn’t quite know why. ‘Well, that’s good then.’ 

‘Don’t let me stop you if you want to take anyone home tonight however. Just because I’m not doesn’t mean you can’t,’ Roger said with a friendly smile. John realized Roger’s thigh was brushing against his. Normally he would try to move away from that sort of casual touch, but tonight he was glad Roger was sitting so close to him.

 

‘I don’t really like hookups, not my thing personally,’ John took another sip of his drink. ‘It’s not as if there are any cute girls here anyway, just as you said.’ 

 

‘Right,’ Roger smiled. John didn’t quite realize how exhausted he was until that moment. ‘How late is it?’ 

 

‘About one in the morning, are you tired?’ 

 

‘A bit.’ 

 

‘Let’s go home then.’ 

 

\----

 

After they had said their goodbyes to Freddie and Brian, they put on their coats and went outside. 

 

Lovely, it was still thundering. ‘Roger, do you have an umbrella?’ 

 

‘Not that I know of.’ 

 

They walked in silence for a little bit. Roger had lit a cigarette, and was now trying to smoke it in the pouring rain. 

 

With every step John took, he could feel himself becoming more and more sleepy. His eyes felt extremely heavy, his back hurt, and his steps were sluggish at best. 

 

‘Deaky, are you alright?’ There was genuine worry in Roger’s voice.

 

‘M okay, just tired,’ John managed to slur out a bit. 

 

He felt Roger’s arm being swung around his shoulder. ‘You can lean on me, don’t worry. We will be home soon, yeah?’ 

 

Roger’s body was warm, even through his layers of clothes. John instinctively leaned into Roger’s warm body. ‘You’re warm,’  he managed to speak.

 

Roger giggled, ‘You’re warm too.’ 

 

They walked like that for a while, John leaning into Roger more and more the longer they kept walking. 

 

They came home a bit soon for John’s liking, as the warm body around him moved away to unlock the door. ‘Here you go, Deaks.’ 

 

John mumbled a soft ‘thanks’ as he practically fell through the door. The house was warm and comforting. John felt Roger’s warm body around his again. ‘Let’s get you to bed, yeah?’ 

 

He nodded softly. The feeling of Roger’s warm body against his was something he didn’t want to let go off yet. They stumbled to John’s room.

 

The room was clean, just like John had left it. His sheets were neatly folded, and his pillow was fluffed up. 

 

John and Roger both sat down on his bed. ‘I’m sure you can take off your clothes yourself, so I’m going to go now.’ Before John could say anything to that, Roger pressed his body really tightly against his. ‘Goodnight Deaks.’ 

 

John couldn’t manage to say anything in return, instead just sleepily nodding. Roger smiled softly as he stood up and closed the door. 

 

John fell asleep as soon as the door closed and the lights were turned off, clothes and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, this chapter was a bit longer! I love writing their interactions!! And look at all that fluff!! I hope you enjoy reading it, please let me know! Comments and kudo's are ofc very welcome! <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! fair warning, a tiny bit of sexual content at the end of the story, and also a bit of angst oooo!! 
> 
> i hope yall still enjoy reading it!

John woke up in last night’s clothes. For one second he couldn’t for the life of him remember why that had happened, and then it hit him.

The stress of the gig he had drunk and the great amounts of alcohol had not done him well last night. He felt a bit dizzy, even though he knew it couldn’t be the buzz of alcohol, long gone from his body. His head was still spinning as he rubbed his eyes.

He then remembered the events of last night. Roger had seemingly no issue at all with John leaning on him. His brain even told him Roger had asked him to do that. How had he gotten that tired so fast? He couldn’t really remember. ‘How embarrassing,’ he muttered to absolutely no one but himself, the empty room staring back.  

Shaking his head slightly at the realization, he stretched his body and got out of bed. He really wished he had a clock on him currently. He felt gross, the smell of alcohol still on his breath, his clothes dirty from god knows what. He needed a shower. And he needed one quickly.

He realized that he hadn’t yet taken a shower in his new house. How gross. His hair was slightly greasy from the rehearsals yesterday, and also no doubt from the failed night out. Was it a failed night out?

Thankfully, John found the bathroom door unlocked, and after taking a quick peek inside - just to make sure -, he concluded that the bathroom was all his. He let out a deep breath.

The bathroom had a weird layout. The toilet was only about 20 cm away from the shower. The sink on the other hand, was in a lonely corner in the sad looking room. The gray walls felt somewhat taunting. It all looked so uncomfortably bland. 

He quickly undressed himself, and opened the shower curtain, which was a deep gray, just as boring and bland as the rest of the room. It felt weird, being naked in a place he couldn’t quite like yet. He turned on the shower, eager to rid himself from these thoughts.

Hot water hit him, and for a second, he felt at peace.

——-

‘Pass me the butter, will you darling?’ Freddie had actually woken up early today, not having to be dragged out of bed (literally). His hair was still a bit wild which showed that he hadn’t woken up THAT early.

‘When I’m done with it,’ Brian had actually taken his morning walk today. John could tell because of his face, which was now a bit more red than usual. He supposes he should call it a morning run instead, and wondered why Brian didn’t call it that. He’s a man of many mysteries, he supposed.

Freddie waited patiently, something he was surprisingly good at. Freddie was a very patient man, if he wanted to be. He fondly remembers Freddie trying to teach Roger piano, and failing miserably, yet not at all looking frustrated with the blond. _ Let’s try again, _ Freddie would say kindly, even if Roger was about to rage quit. That was probably the sweetest he’d ever seen them act to each other, though John was certain a lot more was going on behind the scenes. They had lived together, of course these moments must happen more often. 

Roger was uncharastically quiet throughout the whole breakfast. His brows were furrowed, his face scrunched up, obviously in some kind of deep thought. John wondered silently if Roger was thinking about tonight, just like he was.

Tonight, right.

They had that gig. The gig would be the biggest they’d had thus far, and John was nervous. More nervous than usual, that is. When he first started playing, Freddie had to convince him to even go on stage, let alone play his instrument. It all seemed so long ago now, those early days; even if he supposes that this would be his early days one day. 

‘Deaky, how did you sleep?’ Freddie’s voice was the thing that broke his train of thought. 

He smiled fondly, the singer was such a sweetheart. ‘I slept pretty well, thank you. How did you sleep?’ he tried to sound as if he wasn’t just having a slightly melocholonic breakdown.

Freddie pulled a bit of a face. ‘I just told you dear, where were you with that head of yours?’ There was no bite to his statement, only adoration. John was so lucky to have a friend like him.

‘Heh, sorry. S’pose I really was somewhere else eh?’ he chuckled. ‘Actually,’ he could feel Freddie’s eyes burning on him, even when he wasn’t looking. ‘I’ve been thinking about tonight’s gig.’ 

‘Are you nervous?’ 

The voice had interrupted whatever Freddie was about to say. Roger finally spoke up for the first time this breakfast. John stared at him for a few seconds, before realizing he was staring, to which he started to blush a bit. ‘Just a little bit, aren’t you?’ he eventually managed to get out. 

‘A bit, I suppose. It’s only healthy,’ Roger replied, with his mouth full of egg. His hair was unbrushed, his eyes still a bit glossy. He had gotten up last again. John thought he looked awfully… what was the word he was looking for? 

He must’ve been staring again, because Roger started to blush. John frantically looked away, choking on his tea. Not even 10 AM, and he already managed to make things an awkward mess today. How lovely.

‘Well, it’s my turn to do the dishes,’ Brian spoke up, feeling the tension in the room rise. At that moment, John could’ve kissed him. 

‘I’ll help you out!’ his voice came out just a bit louder than he had intended for it to be. He could feel everyone staring at him. Instead of freezing though, he picked up the plates and walked to the kitchen, Brian following soon after.

Soon, they were washing the dishes, with Brian drying them when John had finished washing them. The tension was still there a tiny bit, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it first was. 

John saw there was a tiny bruise on Brian’s neck. Just before he got the opportunity to ask what it was, he realized it. And he also saw Brian stare at him, face red as a tomato. 

Instead of talking about anything to make the newly thick tension leave the room, he asked the dumbest thing possible. ‘So, had fun last night?’ as he said it, he wanted the floor to swallow him whole. 

To his utter surprise, Brian just giggled a bit. ‘I did, thank you very much. What about you?’ 

John gulped, he hadn’t really expected Brian to be so casual about the situation, but he also knew Brian was his best friend. This probably wasn’t that weird to him. ‘Well, I did, but a whole different kind of fun than you, I think,’ he smiled saying it. ‘Speaking of, we should probably establish house rules about stuff like this, right?’ 

Brian looked at him in confusion, ‘About stuff like what?’ 

John wouldn’t call himself immature, but he couldn’t help giggling a bit when he said: ‘You know, sex and stuff.’

Brian nodded. ‘Yeah, we probably should. Let’s talk about that after we’re done washing the dishes, yeah?’ 

‘Alright.’ 

\---- 

‘So, we should probably establish some house rules,’ John said casually, as if he hadn’t just called all of his housemates to the living room for this seemingly casual conversation. The others nodded.

‘Knock before entering a door,’ was Roger’s first rule. John laughed a bit at that, out of all things, this is what Roger finds most important. He couldn’t pretend that that wasn’t a good rule though. 

‘Leave the living room tidy, even when no one is coming over,’ was Brian’s suggestion. Again, not that bad of a suggestion, but a bit obvious as well, in John’s eyes. Whatever, Freddie was up next.

Freddie pondered for a second, clearly not actually wanting to bring the conversation up he knew he should. ‘What are the rules about, uh, shagging?’ Freddie wasn’t a prude, far from it actually, but discussing sex in a situation like this was a bit off-putting, he must admit. 

‘Hmm,’ came the reply from all three of them. ‘Are the walls soundproof?’ John asked.

‘I think they are, yeah, the landlord said so,’ Brian replied. 

‘Well, then I guess just put a sock on your door if you’re having fun?’ Roger supplied, the question being rhetoric in nature. Everyone nodded again. 

John supposes that settled that, thankfully.

\----

They had arrived at the place of the gig. John must admit that the building didn’t look all that nice, but that didn’t really matter. He could feel anxiety running through his veins the second he walked into the building.

The dressing room had been nice, kind of small, but nothing they weren’t used to. They were currently changing into their outfits of the night. 

Freddie was wearing a bodysuit, a checkered one actually. It fit him perfectly, even if it didn’t leave much to the imagination, John thought. The singer put a tiny bit of makeup on his face. John knew that those glitters would be found for weeks after they’d left.

Brian was wearing a suit, which again, fitted the man really well. It was a safe choice, the suit. Sometimes life is about being better safe than sorry, and hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Besides, the man’s curly hair finished the outfit rather perfectly.

John put on his own outfit, which was just a navy button-up. Though it might be seen as some as boring, he thought it fit him rather well. It made him blend in, and he liked that. He didn’t constantly need all the spotlight on him, he’d rather just play in peace, and this outfit allowed him to do that.

When John turned around to look at Roger’s outfit, he couldn’t help but gasp. Roger looked absolutely radiant, his doe eyes popping out because of a tiny bit of mascara. His long locks were brushed, but still wild, hanging to his shoulders. His cheeks were just the tiniest bit of pink, having put on a bit of blush before. He was wearing a button-up, just like he was, but left the buttons open, exposing his chest. Pink sparkly converse, and nice black pants finished the look. John thought he looked awfully… again, but couldn’t find the word he was actually looking for.

Thankfully, this time he did look away before anyone noticed. What was even going on with him? Roger had looked like that before, but not like THAT. John frowned, he knew that made zero sense, but he didn’t have time to think about it. Not when -

‘You look really good today, Deaks,’ the blond smiled at him, a warm smile he absolutely adored. John could feel his face flushing. 

‘Thank you, you do too,’ he eventually managed to crack out. Roger’s smile only grew wider, and John’s blush only worsened. 

A man came in and told them they had to go up on stage in a few minutes. 

‘Are you nervous?’ 

‘Not really,’ John answered truthfully now. He knew the drummer would keep an eye out for him, and that put his mind at ease. He sighed happily. ‘Let’s go,’ 

\-----

The show went well, just as expected. The after party was going well, even if not many people recognized him. He didn’t mind blending in, especially after a show. He didn’t understand how his fellow bandmates are even in the mood to find a girl after such a show.

He supposes he doesn’t understand his bandmates at all sometimes. The thought makes him a bit sad, so he tries not to dwell on it too much. Besides, why get sad when he can break it down on the dancefloor instead?

A nice disco beat started to play, thankfully. John wasn’t shy, as many people suspected, he was just a quiet bloke. That is, with the exception of at the disco. Roger had lovingly dubbed him “Disco Deaky” - the origin of his nickname. He started moving his feet, bopping his head, and finally breaking out all moves. 

He could feel people staring, and he loved it. He didn’t even need alcohol to get turned right now. How nice it is to lose all your emotions to the dancefloor, to not even think of the anxiety that had plagued him before the show. People were cheering him on, life was good.

He stopped when he felt someone touch his shoulder. A girl, with a drink, for him. John mentally shrugged, why not? Even if he wasn’t particularly in the mood to shag, he could at least have some fun. 

Lisa (as the girl was called) seemed really nice. She had complimented his bass skills, which he appreciated a lot. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was just the tiniest bit smaller than he was. John really liked her, he thought. Lisa was twirling her hair.

‘So, do you wanna get back to the dancefloor with me, John?’ 

John just simply nodded, and off they went. The song wasn’t as good as the last few, but it was good enough to get down to. They were dancing, and it was nice, but somehow John couldn’t get himself to enjoy it nearly as much as he had wanted. 

‘Do you wanna come back to my place?’ he didn’t actually want to ask her that, but she was nice, and let’s face it, really attractive. Might as well use the opportunity. She nodded, telling John she just needed to tell her friends she’ll be heading out.

\---

Once they got to his house, he had lead her to his room. The girl was giving him bedroom eyes, and he tried his best to reciprocate, but found he couldn’t quite do that, for some reason. 

Still, he kissed her, and found himself not liking the taste of her lips. Something about the lipstick must have set him off. It looked a bit gross, after a long night of partying. It wasn’t Lisa’s fault, so he continued. 

Their tongues were clashing together now, and she softly moaned, clearly into it. John pushed her on the bed, trying to enjoy this just as much as she was. ‘Can I take your shirt off?’ 

‘Please,’ her voice was desperate, and he wondered why he wasn’t as riled up as she was. He gently took off her shirt, and felt completely hopeless. Since when does he not like hooking up? Is he a prude now?

More kissing, her on top this time. At least he didn’t have to actively do anything right now. His thoughts trailed off, he felt himself losing focus on the nice girl right in front of him. She was straddling him, and he wasn’t even close to hard. Lisa must’ve noticed, because her grinding intensified.

He finally snapped out of it, just when Lisa was about to stop, and kissed her back, acting hungrily, even if he really wasn’t. Okay, all he should really do is get himself turned on, not that difficult. ‘Can you blow me?’ 

The girl nodded enthusiastically, and unbuckled his pants. Her eyes were filled with hunger, John realized. He felt Lisa - oh - right, okay, he can do this. He desperately tried to think of sexy thoughts, to focus on the sensation. 

Hot girl, hot girl blowing him, nice hair, really nice hair, blonde, blonde girl with blue eyes sucking him off, yeah, yeah he could do this.

He could feel himself get more turned on, finally. He let out a soft moan as the girl continued. He let his mind run wild again, he knew he was somewhat close. 

Blonde girl with blue eyes sucking him off, she’s moaning too, her voice is raspy and high, his doe-eyes looking at him with desire-

Before John realized what and most importantly - who - he was thinking about, he came with an embarrassingly high moan. Lisa just smiled, as she gently sat up. ‘Was that good?’ 

John couldn’t answer, but he nodded regardless. His mouth felt dry, way too try. ‘I’m sorry, I think I can’t do any more tonight.’ 

Lisa smiled. ‘That’s okay, John. Here’s my number, please call me sometime,’ she gently pecked John on the lips one last time, before leaving closing the door behind her.

John couldn’t think clearly. It must’ve been the booze, he tried to reason. There’s no other reason, absolutely not. He’s just a bit tipsy, and the girl just looked like him a bit, no worries.

But, as he was trying to convince himself nothing was up, he felt tears slowly run down his face. He sniffed loudly, and dropped himself on his bed. 

He didn’t fall asleep for a long time, even if he was tired out of his mind.

 


	4. Chapter 4

‘So, how was she?’ Freddie’s comment completely threw him off guard, and John once again choked on his tea. 

‘She was fine,’ John mumbled a bit awkwardly, not making eye contact with the singer. He really didn’t want to think about last night. The memory would haunt him, he knew that already. 

‘Did our Deaky get lucky?’ Brian teased, and John just shrugged his shoulders. He knew he was making the whole situation worse than it already was, but he couldn’t really stop himself. ‘Sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into me today,’ he sighed.

‘No worries dear, if it makes you uncomfortable, we can drop the subject, alright?’ Freddie’s smile was gente, and he placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘Thank you, Fred.’ 

John continued eating his toast, it was crunchy, just how he likes it. ‘Thank you for making me this, Brian. You’re a very kind man,’ he didn’t even know where the compliment came from, but Brian’s slight blush was worth it. ‘You’re welcome, and thank you.’ 

Roger was nowhere to be seen, John realized. Maybe that was for the best. Still, he couldn’t help asking. ‘Where’s Rog?’ 

‘He said he needed to buy something, he should be back soon,’ Brian replied, taking another sip of his tea. John nodded. 

And, speak of the devil, Roger opened the door. ‘Hi Deaks!’ he smiled happily to the younger man, holding a loaf of bread in his arm. 

‘Good morning, Roger,’ he tried to reply in a way that wouldn’t make his already confused mind even more confused. He could feel himself failing a bit. 

‘I bought us some more bread, we were almost out. I know you like your toast, Deaks,’ he smirked. John couldn’t help but smile at that, despite the absolute mess going on in his brain like that. He was so thankful he had a friend like Roger. 

‘You’re the best, Rog,’ and he meant it. And, did he see Roger blush a bit? He must’ve been imagining things. ‘So are you, Deaks,’ and just like that, he was the one blushing. 

\-------

He had been trying to avoid Roger for a few weeks, even if all he truly wanted was to talk to him. He needed to figure himself out, and he needed to do it quickly. 

Why did he think of Roger that night? It didn’t make any sense, he wasn’t gay! He had hooked up with girls before, and he had liked it, a lot. It had felt really good, so what was going on? 

Had he really fallen for his best friend? Oh my god, is he into men?

This was Roger, his best friend, his bandmate, he couldn’t risk this all for whatever these feelings were! He groaned in frustration when he heard a knock on the door, followed by Freddie’s voice. ‘Can I come in, dear?’ 

John mumbled a soft yes, and Freddie sat next to him on his bed. John noticed he looked worried, for whatever reason. John immediately felt himself tense, wanting the singer to feel good. 

‘Did I do something wrong?’ Freddie simply said, voice just above a whisper. He looked very nervous, his hands playing with a loose strand of his shirt. 

John was taken aback by this, ‘What makes you think that?’ 

‘Well, you’ve been acting kind of weird today, and I was wondering if it’s because of my comment this morning,’ he carefully explained, still fumbling with his sweater. 

John frowned. ‘Of course not, I’m so sorry I made you think that. I’ve just been kind of confused lately, that’s all,’ he tried explaining it in the vaguest way possible, hoping that Freddie wouldn’t ask. 

Of course, Freddie being the mom friend, asked: ‘What are you confused about dear? You know you can talk to me, right?’ the concern that has previously swam in Freddie’s dark eyes took on a whole different form. 

John just sat quietly against Freddie, leaning on him a bit, before he started sobbing. All the emotions and confusion he had held inside of him for a while now, they all came out. Freddie looked panicked, and wrapped an arm around him. ‘What’s wrong, Deaky? Did she hurt you? Do I need to kill her?’ the anger in his voice got louder, and John just started sobbing harder, shaking his head.

‘Okay, deep breaths love, in, and out,’ Freddie took the breaths in as he was saying it, trying to make John follow. He did eventually, much to Freddie’s joy. ‘That’s good darling, take all the time you need, yeah?’ John nodded through his tears. What did he do to deserve Freddie?

When his breaths finally became even again - with soft hiccups in between - he finally asked Freddie something. ‘Freddie, how do you know you’re gay?’ 

Freddie was clearly taken aback by this, eyes widening. He was petting John’s hair gently, still, even though he was shocked. He bit his lip, something he did when he was thinking. John waited patiently. ‘Well, darling, I think you just know, when you want to be with another man,’ Freddie simply said. ‘Why do you ask, dear?’ 

John tried not to start crying again, ‘Because I think I might have feelings for a bloke,’ he sniffed loudly again. 

Freddie pulled him close, and tightly held him. ‘Oh darling, is that why you’ve been so distant from all of us?’ his voice was a bit raspy, clearly touched by the younger man. John nodded against him.

‘It’s okay, it’s all going to be okay,’ and John wanted to believe him, wanted so desperately to believe him. When John had finally stopped sniffing, Freddie pulled back. 

‘If you’re comfortable with telling me, who’s the lucky guy?’ Freddie seemed curious, a soft smile on his face. His friend wanted the best for him, he knew. 

He cleared his throat. ‘Um, I think, um,’ his face turned beet red, and Freddie smiled as he put a hand on his shoulder. ‘I think, I think I might be into Roger?’ he asked with uncertainty on his voice, as if asking Freddie to confirm that.

Freddie simply nodded, hugging him again. ‘Darling,’ he whispered, ‘you should tell him.’ 

John pulled back, a shocked expression on his face. Freddie just giggled. ‘Tell him when you’re ready, I promise it’ll turn out better than you might think.’ John found that very hard to believe.

Freddie got up from John’s bed. ‘Good night, Deaky. Don’t think too much, yeah?’ and with that, John was alone again.

He didn’t feel lonely though, not as lonely as at first. 

Right, maybe he should actually talk to Roger, then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one night babey!! i truly hope you all like it so far, next chapter will be out this weekend hopefully! kudo's + comments greatly appericiated as always, please let me know what you think!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you so much for reading this fic. I've been reading Dealor for a while but I didn't quite have the motivation to write for it until now. I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter! Feedback + kudo's are very much appriciated :)


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